How a coach saved my life with tough love:
By Bryce Milson
It’s 2011. I just graduated high school with great grades while at the same time having balanced a horrid major junior hockey schedule full of practice, games and travel. I am what one would think of as an overachieving kid. But for the first time in my life, I feel like a total failure.
I have just been passed up on in the NHL entry draft, a lifelong dream. Not only was I passed up, but I was also not even on the “other players to consider” pre-draft rankings list, after starting that season out as a shoo-in to be drafted. To me, a total failure. And to me at that time, it was everyone’s fault, but my own.
I spend the next five years moping around in mediocrity, finishing up a disappointing junior hockey career while taking some courses online, and eventually going to university to get my degree and play hockey.
It wasn’t until during an intermission in an exhibition game against the UNB Reds did I wake up. I was playing for the York University Lions, and my then coach (who I have tremendous respect for), sat our line during the 2nd period. I was fuming. This was particularly upsetting for me as I was a local kid coming back to play in New Brunswick for a game, and I had many friends and family there.
I stormed into the coaches room between periods and a heated argument ensued with my coach. It got so intense that the assistant coach had to separate us. But my coach said something that stuck with me: “You’re not giving everything you can give to us on the ice or off the ice. You just pretend that you are. You’re a pretender. If you want success, give us and yourself more”. He was right. I had spent more than 5 years not giving everything I had to give in every single area of my life. That way if I failed, at least I could justify it in some weird way. And I could always blame it on someone else too.
My life changed after that. I began to look at myself in the mirror and realize it was my own fault for things that weren’t going my way in life. Even when things seemed totally out of my control, I asked myself “What could I do differently to get a different outcome?”. I started to take ownership.
That year, we went on to win the Quebec-Ontario championship and I had my strongest academic year yet, which got me into law school. Since then, from that heated debate, I’ve had early success in business, career and relationships all because of a new perspective on life that coach gave me.
Moral of the story: While I don’t recommend a near fist-fight with your coach, mentor or boss, I DO think that we absolutely need these figures in our life, and we need to listen to them. 99.99% of the time, they are trying to bring the best out in us. For us. Even if it hurts to hear.